On this Fourth of July weekend it is appropriate to contemplate the plight of those who are NOT born into the Land of the Brave. A&E, which delivers the most low-rent TV around, is currently running “90 Day Fiancée- Happily Ever After”. This is a riff on their earlier series and a lot of the footage is the same but it’s so hideously awful that you literally cannot stop watching. The idea is to examine five couples who have applied for the “fiancée” visa, whereby you bring your beloved to the States and if you get married within that time, he/she is well on their way to citizenship.
Last season, there was an interesting variety of characters. Your have the nice young couple- he from New Orleans, she from Thailand, who are foundering because she would rather be back home. There’s the hot young actress from Colombia who is obviously going to leave her Okie husband once they get settled in Miami. There’s the Russian babe (SHE thinks she’s gorgeous) who’s miffed that her hubby lied about being rich. And, above all, there are Mohammed and Danielle, whose prolonged breakup is delicious because they’re both such dreadful people.
Mohammed is 28, from Tunis in Tunisia, and hot hot hot. Danielle is 43, from Sandusky OH and not not not. I don’t shame anyone for their looks, but I will shame someone for neglect. Danielle has never made the acquaintance of a comb or other grooming implements. She has three kids and told Mohammed she made a comfortable living. She’s actually heavily in debt. (They met online, of course.) They get married in Ohio, and to the consternation of the gathered crowd, Mohammed won’t kiss the bride because it’s Ramadan. It goes downhill from there. The five of them move in together and the arguments begin. He’s upset that she isn’t wealthy. She’s upset that he’s upset. Finally he gets his green card and two months later he takes off for Miami with a woman he met online. Danielle follows him there and the have a confrontation. She agrees to a divorce, which means he could possibly stay in the US. Later, she files an annulment which will trigger his deportation. He moves to Port Richey but she finds him and has him served. I think she files two different annulments. Mohammed gets work as an Uber driver. Danielle buys a trailer. Life goes on.
If you have any lingering discontentments about your life, watch 90 Day Fiancée- Happily Ever After. You’ll feel better about yourself.